


Eyes shut

by Isabeauu



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 21:40:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5602030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isabeauu/pseuds/Isabeauu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam hates saying goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eyes shut

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year!

I hate this moment. As much as I love the moment I get to pick him up from the airport, I hate the feeling of sorrow each time we find ourselves back at the airport to say goodbye. Not knowing when we’ll be able to see makes it an even shittier situation.

Two days, not even two full days, that’s how little time I got to spend with him this time. I want to pout like a child and scream that it’s not fair, but no one would be impressed. Not even without my pouty lips and begging eyes to have lost their effect years ago.

But it’s not fair at all.

“Come with me.”

Sauli smiles sadly. “You know I can’t.”

I sigh and grab his hands with mine. “Yeah.”

He steps closer and pushes his head underneath mine. It hurts how well he fits there. It hurts so much I have to blink away tears before anyone sees them.

For a while we just stand there without words. There are no words. I’m not even being overly dramatic when I say this. There honestly aren’t words to have to say goodbye to your loved one every single time to be able to step on a plane and live your dream. Because he _is_ my dream. One of two, and each time we find ourselves in this situation, it feels as if I have to choose one of them to pursue.

“Go live your dream.” He kisses my chin. “I’ll be waiting.” He always is.

I’m scared that one day he won’t be anymore. I’m scared that I’ll have to relive what happened in the past, when one day I realized everything had changed. Priorities has shifted for the worst, and everything was different. I’m scared shitless for that to happen again.  

“You shouldn’t be.” I hold him close with my hand pushing his head closer to me and kiss his scalp. “I hate having to leave you every time.”

“I have work.”

I want to ask him to quit his job. I can give him everything his heart desires and money can buy. But what his heart desires is his job. The job that he loves doing as much as I love doing mine. I can’t force him to quit. I asked him once, and everything went to shit after that. I’m not making that mistake again. I don’t want to.

“I know.” I sigh again and press another kiss to the side of his face. “I should probably let you go. Can’t miss your flight.” I try to sound lighthearted, but the weight currently pushing me down is hard to hold. I can’t pretend to be okay with this because every cell in my body is not. I don’t want to miss him again.

It’s so fucking unfair.

“I’ll see you when you see me”, he smiles sadly again.

“I’ll see you when you see me”, I reply just as sad. But I can’t not say it back. It’s our thing.

“Call me when you’re in London, okay?” I nod, blinking back the tears. There’s no use for him to call me once he’s back in Helsinki, because I’ll be on a flight on my own. And he’ll be with his friends, while I’m stuck in London with my team. They’re lovely people, don’t get me wrong, but they’re not my _friends._ Or Sauli.

I pull him back in one last hug so I can whisper how much I love him in his ear. He pulls back with a wet smile. “I love you, too”, he says back and pushes his lips against mine and then pulls back and strokes my face lovingly. “I’ll see you when you see me.”

He walks away and with each step the despair inside me grows. I want to run after him and pull him back. I want to close my eyes so I don’t have to watch him go. But even with my eyes shut I can _see_ how he walks away from me from past experiences.

“I’ll see you when you see me.” I whisper after him and blow him one last kiss when he looks back one last time before he’s gone.

 


End file.
